Read it and Sleep

My boy and his Minion will have another distraction on their next adventure (forthcoming release date yet to be determined) now that I am waking up to an alarm again. Though the "Strum" setting on my alarm clock strikes a chord, the harsh and pitchy note rattles me, unwillingly, awake from an otherwise deep and restful sleep. 

Freestyle Sleep
Simi Valley, CA (circa 1968)

I like to sleep, and I am really good at it. I don’t apologize for it, either. Furthermore, I am not one to say, “ah um, while you were asleep last night, at 9:00pm, I accomplished x, y, and z.” No, that type of comment is reserved for our enemies, the morning person.  You know who you are.

In fact, I wonder, why isn’t Sleep an event at the 2012 London Olympics? I would crush the competition in the Sleep decathlon: first, the staying asleep obstacle course (mock bedroom littered with noise from planes, trains, buses, and British Gas - really, meter needs to be checked every week?) and, second, the ReSleep freestyle event (with a portable alarm clock, you snooze 6 times in various positions or locations throughout the indoor sleep-stadium).  

I can imagine the announcers, "wow, he really stuck the arm-over-head-pillow-between-leg combo, let's see if he goes for the ball-up-ear-suctioned-to-calf-noise-drown-out finale."

Of course, my country would have to be represented by someone else in the “Go to Sleep” event, which I struggle with and always have (box sets of Law and Order, CSI, and Saved by the Bell would have to be banned substances, no?). And I would have tough competition in the snooze-athon (not to be confused with the free-style snooze event that is part of the decathlon, in this event competitors, excuse me I mean athletes, attempt as many successful snoozes before getting off a nail-bed), since my companion and training partner is a proven champion (world record setter in San Francisco Goodwill Games).

Good idea? I think we are onto something here.  You really could sleep with the judges, have an excuse for being in a bad mood if you didn’t medal and, best of all, wear a robe at opening ceremonies instead of a beret. I’m just thinking out loud here…